you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
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The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
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To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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