i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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