remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
