I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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