You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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