but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
