I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
