There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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