Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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