Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
