Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Come see our sink grown plant.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize