I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize