You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
