May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
