guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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