I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
