he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
