You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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