Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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