Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
