found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
