I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Your dad touched me again.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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