I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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