You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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