My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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