So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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