OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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