Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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