for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
