Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
