I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So much rum. So many feels.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
