I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
