Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Holy shit dude........stairs
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