Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
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We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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