watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
