Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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