just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
