Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
