VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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