After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
