okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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