i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
