dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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