The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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