Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
