I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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