I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
