i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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