The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
