just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize