What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
