After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
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What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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