I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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