I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
