My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
