Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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