Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
