How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
