the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
