dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
