I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
