i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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