Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
