Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
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Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
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I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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